Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Changing Symptoms

As I drove home from back to school shopping for my oldest, I tried to figure out why I was such a grump. I was tired and cranky, but more than that, I was worried and frustrated.

You see I've been making great effort to stay indoors in the middle of the day to avoid the South Texas heat. Today I was in such a hurry to get things done, I never gave it a second thought. That is, until my left hand and left leg were completely numb. Then I realized what I had done. I was driving around and walking in the scorching heat, knowing full well how it affects me.

Before I knew it, worry and frustration had taken over. How will this progress? What will happen next? Will this last long? How many days until my next treatment? Will I have the strength to get from the truck to the house? Will I be able to cook supper for my family? UGH!

Yes, I made it from the truck to the house. I grabbed a bottle of water and relaxed on the couch. Yes, I was able to make supper. Not an elaborate one, but it fed my family just the same. After a relaxing evening I was even able to take a walk to the end of the block and meet a new neighbor.

I wish I could say I was strong and confident when my symptoms progress, but I'm not. I worry and get frustrated with my body's inability to perform. Some of the feeling came back in my leg tonight, but not in my hand. (Not unusual for my left hand)

Tonight I'm resting in the certainty I have found in God. Nothing else in my life is certain. My body changes, life constantly changes, but God remains the same. My worry and frustration are futile. Thank you, Lord. Tonight I'm resting in your certainty, your faithfulness.

"I the Lord do not change..." Malachi 3:6

1 comment:

Joyfulsister said...

Hi Kristen.
Ever since finishing my treatments there were some side effects that still stayed with me like swelling in my ankles and feet, muscle pain and bone pain. I can't go shopping like I used to and I miss that with my little girl. So I sometimes push myself and pay for it later. Like you it gets frustrating and I end up being hard on myself , I thank Lord that even when everything changes around us, he remains the same, he is our rock, our shelter, and under his wings we can hide and be comforted.
Hugz Lorie